I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
