mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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