When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
