he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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