DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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