no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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