I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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