I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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