Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
