K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
as a side note pls kill me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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