WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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