I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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