my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
