i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
