That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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