I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
