you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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