I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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