I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize