yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This girl is more easily done than said...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
