PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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