Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize