bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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