i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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