I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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