the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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