Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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