my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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