I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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