You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
