Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
