I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
