My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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