were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
mondays should just be called national damage control day
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
