dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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