there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
