Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
