I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
