We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize