I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
