The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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