I wish I could punch you in the face.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
