dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
