happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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