chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize