Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
