Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
