I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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