The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
