Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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