mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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