i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
