There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The air taste purple.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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