There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
