Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
