i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
