My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
