I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
