2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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