Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sober January is a disaster.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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