Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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