Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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