some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
