I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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