I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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