Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
