Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
