Tell her she can't have a vagina
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
