the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
