The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
