dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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