We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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