No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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