I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
