Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
