If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do vagina's smell?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
