i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
