sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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