I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
