Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
