i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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