yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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