Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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