I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
