Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
