you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
