Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
