I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
