id be glad to
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
