After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
