You can't special order awesome
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
