Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
