Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
