shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
don't judge my taste in strippers
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
