a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
