He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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