dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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