Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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