I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize