She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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