Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
