that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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