ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
