i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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